Dmtf6
by Squonkamatic
I
remember the day I turned 25 like it was yesterday ... the vivid recollection
of sitting down in my little studio at school, looking at my work
stacked against the wall awaiting the spring semester and thinking
to myself "You know, David Bowie had made his Ziggy Stardust
album by the time he was 25. These painting rather pale in comparison
..."
That was the first time in my life I felt "old" ... the
second time came during grad school when a bunch of underager no good
suburbanite white garbage brained Korn loving idiots corralled me
outside of a grocery store & basically begged me to buy them a
case of beer. That wasn't anything new, but my reply was: "How
are you boys getting around tonight? Who's doing the driving?"
They claimed they were on foot: I wished them a pleasant evening and
went about my evening. Liars. Then I realized I had taken on THE MANTLE
OF RESPONSIBILITY that is inevitable with age [28 at the time] had
descended upon me, and that I was "old".
Well it happened again in January -- four times, actually. You see,
I live in an armpit called Syracuse that has it's own independent
weather and climate systems that are not effected by nature. During
the winter it commonly dips to -10f during the day and summer highs
are often 102f. Nothing you can do about it, except to prepare, and
this year I was not prepared for the first below zero [f] winter I
had to weather in about a decade. My funky black PLASTIC SOLED Timberland
boots -- actually tres fashionable amidst the artistic dilletante
infested watering holes of Brooklyn -- were not fit for such climactic
extremes ... Plastic boot soles freeze in below zero tempetures, reducing
the amount of [what's the word? come on you Brainiacs you can load
a .bsp file into a game engine but you don't even remember 12th grade
physics ....]
FRICTION when walking on solid surfaces, making one prone to slipping.
Cover that surface with something that is difficult to walk on in
the first place -- ice, snow, GLOSSY EXTERIOR LATEX PAINT -- and you
have repeated injury inducing falls just waiting to happen. First
I fell in our driveway. Then I fell in the Muffin Man's parking lot.
Then I fell AGAIN in our driveway ... and then I fell of Bob the Greuller
Wolfman's front steps, tumbling down eight concrete stairs to land
on a tarmaced walk on my left elbow. BAMMO!! "Hello, Skwank!
Guess what: YOU ARE AN OLD MAN who has just fallen down -- and can't
get up!!"
Just #@%*ing great. I broke my left elbow in that one, and fractured
my left wrist in the second fall [I heard something go SNAP!] outside
of the Muffin Man's. The BEST part of this is that there is no way
in heck I can sue either of them ... Bob the Grueller is a shut-in
loser who makes pre-packed sandwiches for lunchroom vending machines
and pirates imported movies as a hobby; they'd have to lock him away
in an insane asylum, adding needlessly to the tax burdens of hard
working Americans like you and I [or, not]. And as for The Muffin
Man, well ... he is The Muffin Man. What am I gonna do -- sue him?
Get real. Where else would I get muffins?
The point of this preamble is that now, after eighteen weeks in various
forms of casts & braces, my fourth week of physical therapy and
eight refills of my Tylenol-Coedine painkillers [:-D] I can finally
move both arms with sufficient skill & rapidity to manage to drag
& drop the data from a SiN map archive from it's expanded folder
and place them into the MAPS directory, which had a DATE LAST MODIFIED
reading of February 3 2003. Wow; lame. Sorry about that, all.
Please
keep in mind that while I still am unable to actually play the game,
I should be able to maneuver the player around sufficiently to asses
the physical properties of the map and write about them at my current
typing speed of 12 words per minute. I also shall be able to manipulate
the F12 key to capture screenshot images, and while preparing them
with Photoshop will take the better part of the afternoon I have absolutely
nothing better to do and will give it the Harvard try.
The map archive that I have arbitrarily chosen to expand and load
into the game is DMTF6 by Tatuone, who's DMTF2/Vanity was reviewed
last ... well, let's just say my data suggests that it was reviewed
at some point during 2002. I'll let you sort out finding a link back
at home between porno downloads. And while this is a very enjoyable
map -- especially in a CTF mode with grapple hooks and Kamala's basemod
addon with the funky laser shooting speargun -- it is a fitting choice
if only because I have never had a whole heckuva lot to say about
it.
The
map looks like a huge parking garage, or maybe a big empty modular
library. I used to work at a parking garage and have been to libraries
several times in my life, so I kind of know what I am talking about
even though that surely has nothing to do with Tatuone's artistic
motivations. There is a nice use of environmental sound cues -- city
noises in one area [perhaps conjuring the parking garage association]
and wind noises outside, giving the map a nice palpable atmosphere.
Adding to the mix is a very self-aware use of lighting elements, using
color to create ambience rather than just fill up a void with a glob
of neon schlepp. Nice work.
Indeed the map brings to mind two of SiN's official maps -- Biodm/Midnight
and Gluttony -- both in terms of structuring and use of textures &
lights. I LOVE the row of illuminated colums that fill the side of
one of the map's ante-rooms linking the various corridors, and applaud
his use of sound cues when the doors function. Yes, Virginia, doors
do make sounds when they open, and door sounds are one of those little
upper hierarchy sense of awareness virtues that always impress my
own sense of design & purpose. Again, nice job. I like maps that
make noises and look nice.
I
also like maps that have things in them that occupy space and suggest
functionality or purpose that goes beyond defining a wall or catwalk
ramp, and this would be my only "Gripes Department" entry
-- the map feels a little too "empty", bringing to mind
the expression HORROR VACUUI from art history to mind that refers
to Renaissance painters' tendance to fill the map err painting right
to the edge of the canvas with forms & shapes in a seeming "fear
of empty space. HORROR VACUUI also would make a mighty cool name for
a Goth Metal garbage band or perhaps a Dario Argento film, now that
I see it in print, and that deserves mention too. I'll do an eBay
search later.
So yeah, this is a highly Squonk-Approved map, but it tweaks my sense
of HOROR VACUUI by being a little too open. But for those who like
Biodm's multi-level catwalk based combat and the sort of sniping duels
you can engage in during solo matches therein will be very satisfied
with what it delivers. Don't forget to load that script up, though,
or the lifts won't work.
Bonus
additions include a nice little sewer section, nice clanking metal
textures underfoot as you scamper about looking for something to blow
up [no Embedded reporters to shoot at, even], and there is even a
puzzling patch of sky texture who's purpose exceeds my ability to
discern but still looks nice. Sort of like a nexus into a different
world where the physical laws of our universe don't apply -- sort
of like Albany, but with tanks.
Tanks ... Gotta stop writing with Fox News on. By the way, did you
guys know we won that little war? You wouldn't think so if you watched
that goofball Peter Jennings. Sorry Mr. Jennings, but there isn't
going to be a My Lai massacre you can wave in front of America's face
for your buddy Terry McCauliff there. He's going to have to come up
with an actual candidate who can run against our President and that
isn't going to be a Canadian citizen who is a Disney employee. I'd
like to see Peter Jennings in one of those Dumbo or Micky Mouse costumes
handing out Sno-Cones to the kiddies like the other Disney employees
have to go through their Re-Education Indoctrination Training. I hear
Tom Brokaw wouldn't do it so he got to interview the President &
broke the news about us hopefully blowing up that tin-horned idiot
who was running the show over there.
[The above statements may not reflect the views of the company running
this website and are the sole responsibility of the brainwashed reactionary
conservative lunatic who penned this article.] [Editors may redact
any part of the above statements they may find objectionable. I take
Bidpay, Money Orders, Bank/Cashier Checks and well concealed US cash
as silence payment methods.]
Oh
yeah the map. So this is a good one even though a bit "sparse"
in the big open areas for my tastes. It is very very well made though,
and will give players who's gaming platform's current SiN version
supports Bot use all sorts of mind numbing fun. At some point my therapist
will sign a release form allowing me back to work and when that happens
I'll see you on the servers.
Give me about five weeks...
SQ050103
Download DMtf6
from Ritual's stash of SiN files hosted by the delightfully redesigned
3ddownloads.com
by clicking here.
Visit Squonk's SiN website for downloads of map and skin packs,
and other goodies, at http://www.squonkamatic.net/sin.
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